Frog as a Son

A little boy asked: 'Dad, how did I get here?'

His Dad, thinking quickly, said, 'I put this seed in the garden –and that's how it happened. You just grew.'

So the boy went out, bought a packet of seeds, and sprinkled them all around the garden.

Next day, he went out, lifted up a big stone and saw a little frog.

He said, 'Well, you might be ugly, but I still love you ... 'cos I'm your Dad.'

The Sight of My Wife

I saw my mate in the street.

I said, 'Where are you going?'

He said, 'I'm just taking my wife to the Doctor's. I don't like the look of her.'

I said, 'Well hang on, mate, I'll go home and get mine – I can't stand the sight of her.'

Glasses

A chap went into the Opticians.

The Optician said, 'Do you wear glasses?'

He said, 'Only when I want to see.'

Car on my Foot

I stopped my car, and there was a policeman on the edge of the pavement, looking very angry.

He said, 'You can't park here.'

I said, 'Why?'

He said, 'Because you're on my foot.'

Then he said, 'You're in a one-way street as well.'

I said, 'Well, I'm only going one way!'

Sand for Sale

I went into a shop and I said, `Do you sell sand?'

The assistant said, 'Yes. Do you want a big bag or a little bag?'

I said, 'You'd better give me a big bag. 'Cos I've just won a camel in a raffle.'

Biscuit Boy

A fellow went to the Doctor, and said, 'Doctor, I'm very worried. I keep thinking I'm a packet of biscuits.'

Doctor: 'A packet of biscuits? Those little square ones?'

He said, 'Yes.'

Doctor: 'With lots of little holes in?'

He said, 'Yes.'

The doctor said, 'Then you must be crackers.'

Ladder Accident

This little lad went dashing into the house and said, 'Mum, I've knocked the ladder down outside.'

His mother said, 'Well, don't bother me, go and tell your dad.'

The lad said, 'He already knows – he's hanging off the roof.'