Q: What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
A: Smells like carrots...
Q: What do you get if you throw a hand grenade into a French bathroom?
A: Linoleum Blownapart!
Q: What do you call someone who dances on cars?
A: A Morris dancer!
NOTICE IN AIRPLANE
"Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area...
Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before assisting children, or other adults behaving like children."
Says the Policeman: How can you say you don't have any outstanding tickets?
Says the Driver: They're all in the glove compartment.
Q: Why did Arthur have a round table?
A: So nobody could corner him!
Q: What famous Arkansas Supreme Court Decision is Hilary Clinton famous for?
A: If you divorce your wife in Arkansas, is she still your cousin?
Two weathermen each broke an arm and a leg in an accident.
They telephoned from the hospital about their four casts!
Q: Why did the pig wear yellow coveralls?
A: He split a seam in his blue ones!
How come wrong numbers are never busy??
Q: Why do you go to bed?
A: Because the bed will not come to you!
Q: Why did the bank robber take a bath?
A: So he could make a clean getaway!
Q: Why do bagpipe players walk when they play?
A: To get away from the noise!
Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes!
Bill: Do you feel like a glass of carrot juice?
Fred: Why? Do I look like one?
Q: What do you call a vampire in a raincoat?
A: Mack-u-la
Q: What happened to the man who put his false teeth in backwards?
A: He ate himself!
Q: What goes ZZUB.. ZZUB... ZZub
A: A Bee flying backward.
Q: What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective?
A: Santa Clues!
Patient: Doctor, I keep thinking I'm god!
Doctor: When did this start?
Patient: When I first created the sun, the the earth...
A: A Bee flying backward.
Q: What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective?
A: Santa Clues!
Patient: Doctor, I keep thinking I'm god!
Doctor: When did this start?
Patient: When I first created the sun, the the earth...
Once, a computer programmer found himself drowning in the river.
Several marines were on the beach at the time, but didn't know he was drowning.
They didn't understand what he was saying, because he kept shouting, "F1, F1!"
Several marines were on the beach at the time, but didn't know he was drowning.
They didn't understand what he was saying, because he kept shouting, "F1, F1!"
A tough case was being argued in court.
The defense attourney, feeling that he was in trouble, sent the judge a bottle of 100-year-old brandy.
The defendant was fit to be tied. "The judge'll kill me, trying to bribe him! We dead!"
"I don't think so," his attourney told him, "I sent it in the other lawyer's name."
A politician walks into a whore house.
Says the politician, “Give me two women please.”
Says the guy behind the counter, “Just two?”
Says the politician, “Oh, that’s fine, I’m watching a movie later on.”
Says the politician, “Give me two women please.”
Says the guy behind the counter, “Just two?”
Says the politician, “Oh, that’s fine, I’m watching a movie later on.”
A kid walks into a crowded night club.
Says the kid, “Give me two beers please.”
Says the kid, “Give me two beers please.”
Says the guy behind the counter, “Can you wait one hour?”
Says the kid, “Oh, that’s fine, I’m scared, too.”
;;
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